~Apparition~

happiness is
just a
series of
choices it
doesn't just
happen I was
an apparition
it's not
who I
am what's
really wrong
with starting over?

tangerine instead
of orange
for a clean
slate I
like
how they
use the word
friendship it's
the cornerstone
of everything

my grandmother
preferred marigolds
for marigolds
for remembrance

do you
think you'll
find love? I
don't know
if she likes
pancakes, then yes
the innocent
before the
plunging chasm

~Sarah Mhaina Calvello

~Sin~

shaping the
ivory light
moving in
the evening
the dairy
murmur we
are here
thank god
for sunsets

I never
said thank
you for
that I never
got a chance

I thought
I would
always get
one more
chance now
it's
just another
necessary regret
that couldn't be
changed couldn't
be glossed
over

these old
roses are
still velvet
soft again
against my
skin
you said
I lived a
life of
sin

blue could
fill this
gray cold
stillness of
a blank
sky curves
with the
stars

terrified of
these four
walls show
me
what's right
and wrong
what's hidden
in this
layered dust

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Executioner~

crying when
there's nobody
around in
quiet moments
that still
are mine

I just
can't shake
the time
we met
alone you
telling me
the executioners
face is always
well-hidden
after all,
you taught
me to
hate and 
love

sides of
a confused
coin dark
necessities the
darkness help
me to
figure out
where the
shine can be

what was
supposed to
be dropped
too fast
fraying of
a picture
that couldn't
last

smiles like
sunshine and
secrets I
miss that
I miss
the light

there is
a sick
feeling in
my stomach
when I'm
supposed to
grieve when
the time
is expected
to be sweet

not knowing
what to
feel I'll
meet the
day the
day blind
as long
as I'm
with you
it should
be better

 maybe if
I fool myself
it will
get better

a  bittersweet
restless dream
that can
split the
night

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Cocoa

it's cold
but warm
icy mist
is comforting
and blue even the
air shivers

I hand
you sugar plum
jam and
dates with
a sardonic
chuckle don't
trying to
hide to
disguise

Cocoa, medium
chocolate dog
puts his
puts his
on me
sniffs and
kisses me
I can
feel the
nudes and
air moving
around me

my neighbor
tells me he
is welcoming
me in
the icy sun

I forget the
word but
it felt beautiful

my senses
woke up
like he
could sense
my feelings
and was
trying to
erase them
make them
better

I turned
around with
a new kind
of warm
smile wrapping
around well,
baby I
needed that
my lights
turned back
on
~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Perspective~

stop waiting
appreciate
the mess
straight from
inside that
vibrates inside
my bones

if your
now isn't
good enough
then your
there won't
be good
enough either

were like
two messed up
peas in
the same
pod scared
to dream
but not
anymore
try again
might be
a better
day waiting

so beautiful
so tragic
nothing else
can compare
the only
thing
I can
control is
my perspective

I'm tired
of wading
through smoky
tears time
to see differently
even though
I wish it
all had been
just a
little more
clear the
present shouldn't
be shadowed

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Hot Cocoa~

a colder
version
of thinner air
circles of
blue mist

stars in
bewildering sky
staring from
far away
in twilight

rising moon
swirling circle
of birds

a laced
pillow quietly
smelling of
lavender

the smell
of wild bird
oh these little moments
that's what
it's all about

hot cocoa
and small
smiles spreading
what's a
celebration without
something hot?

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Scattered~

ticking clocks
slamming doors
I'm tired
of trying
to fit
somewhere where
I don't
belong this
problem is
too heavy
for me
to push

clutching at
these scattered dreams
trying to
hold onto
the laughter
am I
really done
cringing at
what might
be said?

double-edged words
veiled threats
that darken
cluttered hallways

letting go
of something before
it breaks
or before
it breaks
you
is one
of the
hardest thing's
to do

great word
bittersweet
sad it's gone
but now no
worries about
being attacked
your words
were always
the sharpest

you said
you liked
me better
when I
was fat

now the
mirror is
broken
my reflection
belongs to
me

no one
is perfect
were all
cracked but
it's the
cracks that
let the
light through

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Necessary~

you don't
want to
be tired
on your
way to
somewhere trust
me

like an
anchor like a
dream I
feel stranded
in suspension
has has
made a
chaotic mess
out of me

it's a
beautiful relief
of clarity
I sleep
weaving in
and out
of focus

in a
sweet edge
of a
tragedy
I tried
ti change
I did

just breathe
it's not
nearly as
bad as I think

life is
full of
necessary regrets
you have
to skirt
past

say what
needs to
be said
then was
it away
I won't be
another band aid
idea can't mask
doesn't help
anything

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Scars~

just because
nobody hit
you doesn't
mean you
don't have
scars

show up
because I'm
here let's
just call
a spade
a spade

warm nights
white winter
jasmine climbs
towards the
tear of the moon

my mind
makes a
restless pillow
coffee can't
even quiet
my thoughts

I am
an unusual
effect that's
why we
get along
so well

I lower
my music
to hear
the rain
the lulling,
broken chimes

how quickly
we go
from you
can be
anything to
real reality

but I
still have
a different
way of
seeing stars

let it
go fall
with the
rain outside
time will
make it
all right
we'll get
it back
to good
again

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~The Neighbor~

"Her lawn looks like a meadow,
And if she mows the place
She leaves the clover standing
And all the Queen Anne's lace!"-Portrait of a Neighbor, Edna St. Vincent Millay

for Micheala

when I
think of
you I
think of
Queen Anne's Lace
quiet things
and you
garden
slow blooming
warm nights
filled with
coffee smiles

you sent
me a
card when
I needed it
how did
you know
I was
crying?

you sent me
Portrait of a Neighbor
by Edna St. Vincent Milllay
it did
make me smile

everyday another
door opens
terrifying wonderful
rose take
me home

live in-between
the highs
and lows
footsteps fall
on a
path well-worn

~Sarah Mahina Calvello

~Glow~

ethereal flower
rain falls
on lips

memories pour
fourth like
sweets from
a jar

plans brake
shatter on
the ground
a echo
of what used
to be

violets in
oceans of
bloom open
up my hands
all I
want is
to escape
this desperate
scene to
hold onto
my dreams
along the
way

don't back
down don't
shy away
I've seen
my fair
share of
ups and
downs

turned around
glow elsewhere
I pick
the shine
over shadow

~Sarah Mahina Calvello